Okay, so I had a moment of clarity and purpose today. Scary, right? So anyway, a little back story:
As much as I love my job (and especially my co-workers), I've been growing more and more dissatisfied with it it lately... and by lately, I mean about eight months or so. And I've felt really guilty about being unhappy and wanting something more because I have a fairly well paying job with really good benefits and a work schedule most people would kill for (8:30-5:30 Monday through Friday, no nights or weekends) - all without a college degree. It is work that is emotionally fulfilling and has very few downsides, and yet, there was still something wrong.
So, I've just been trundling along, doing the work (but not as well as I could be) and finding ways to pass the time, like taking an occasional college course - 10 credit hours and a 4.0, bitch! - and becoming involved with Center Stage Players - Munoz, Pseudolus, Director - etc. And then this morning, while selecting large print christian fiction for one of our patrons, it HIT ME: Why was I unhappy? Simple - I wasn't following my dream. Corny, I know, but seriously, I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And just what exactly am I supposed to be doing?
Drum roll, please -
Theater.
That's right, theater. It's what I truly love to do and what I do best. Don't get me wrong, I'm no fucking prodigy or anything, but I have an aptitude and a deep passion for it. Theater work is what I should be doing full time, period.
So how do I get there?
Time for some hard, serious choices. I need and want training, and I also want a college degree, so we are looking at full time school. Which would mean part time work, and that's what I need to make happen - not right away, but before fall of 2008. I will go back to college and get the degree I should have started 10 fucking years ago.
I will need to focus, and I don't have stars in my eyes or visions of flitting onto Broadway with a BFA in acting and taking the performance world by storm - I am looking at a general BA in Theater with a focus on management, but with training in and an understanding of all the various disciplines. This is all with an eye on continuing on for a Masters Degree and then either a teaching position - which I would love - or an administrative/creative position with a professional company. And if I want all this to happen by the time I'm 35, then guess what? Enough bullshit - time to make it happen.
I am entering into a living arrangement that will allow me to pay off all outstanding debt and set some aside. It's now or never bitches - I need your support, understanding, and encouragement. And who knows - if I can make this work, maybe I'll even inspire someone else to follow their dream... who knows? Seriously, if I can make consistant blog posts for a week, what can't I do?
About Me
- Michael
- Gahanna, OH, United States
- Bundle of Sunshine. Fountain of Wisdom. Sassy Minx. I am all these and more - taste my rainbow and find out!
3 comments:
Jeez...did our conversation the other night inspire this post? Regardless, I think you should keep your job at the library and apply at Otterbein. It's right down the street and it's an excellent theatre school. It's expensive though. But a degree from Ohio State would be a good one too...it just might be harder to motivate yourself because it's so large and it's impossible to find good parking. I'm excited for you Michael! I think a theatre business degree would do you well. I'm thinking about going back to school too. So maybe we can motivate and encourage each other.
I love you Michael. And I believe in you, and I want for the field and you to have each other. You can do it. And it is where you belong. And if you can make a living at it, then awesome!
Well done, and you are indeed an inspiration for chasing the dream, and saying damn the troubles, it is my life, it chose me...who am I to tell it no.
Bravo.
I can't wait to see Rocky.
What have we been telling you all along? I wish you loved your job as much as I did, but obviously even I had to move on at some point. I will do everything I can to help you get through school. Do I hear a calling as Michael's personal Research Assistant in my future???
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